Promises
by Firerose1300
Summary: His first love died and he blamed himself, his second love will save him, from himself.


My first love was a boy named Sadaharu. He was kind and perfect, a little whacky and weird but I loved him, very much. I only wish he could have had more time. Not with me necessarily, he deserved better than me. I wish he could have had more time to live. He was brilliant and he could have made this world bright and perfect. He had drive, a vision, and he was intelligent. He could have made a real difference in the world.

For a long time I blamed myself but then one day I realized that maybe Sadaharu was meant to die then because he was put here to make me a better person. I have strived to become that person and I think I am doing pretty well. Sometimes when I'm sleeping I dream about that day.

I was supposed to pick him up after a doctor's appointment but I got distracted at work. When I got there and saw all of the ambulances and police cars, my head started to ring.

I just knew something bad had happened to him.

What he said to me the night before kept going through my head.

_"And don't be late…_

_…Don't be late…"_

I was late…

And by then he was already dead.

At his grave I promised myself that I would keep any promises I had made or would make because I had learned, promises were important. I had promised to be there on time, if I had been there to pick him up he wouldn't have been there 10 minutes later when the man with the gun robbed a store across the street, he wouldn't have been a witness and that man wouldn't have shot and killed him. I felt horrible and I did not plan on ever forgiving myself. I removed everything that reminded me of him because I was too disgusted with myself to look at it.

I had no hope of ever being normal again and then, I met him. He started riding the same train as I did to work and I would see him eating in the restaurants around my building. He fascinated me for some reason. He was bright and I was a moth drawn to his light.

Takeshi didn't remind me of Sadaharu in the slightest. He couldn't have been more opposite. I don't know what possessed me when I saw him that night; I just walked up to him and kissed him. He didn't take it so well; in fact he punched me in the face. When I saw him on the train the next morning, I apologize. He forgave me and asked if I wanted to talk about it some time, I didn't understand at first he was asking me on a date. He understood when I told him about Sadaharu. It was strange I found after spending time with him, he was kind of similar to Sadaharu. Sometimes he'd be doing something and it would be just like how Sadaharu would and for a second everything would stop and I was in this suspended moment where Sadaharu was there, reality always came crashing down hard.

I could see the differences in them though. While Sadaharu was timely, neat, business-like, and organized. Takeshi was chaotic, creative, a free-spirit and he ate a lot. He was a breath of fresh air in my life and he kept me from being to hard on myself about Sadaharu, he taught me to remember Sadaharu and find an outlet for my frustrations. I was grateful for him. Eventually I found music and then I found Sadaharu in the music. I could feel him when I listened to music and I felt him with me when I played. I learned guitar and piano. Listening to Takeshi's music I felt Sadaharu the most because the quiet music Takeshi liked spoke to me unlike any pop hit or rock number.

One day Takeshi was laying on the floor he had a record on the record player, it wasn't one I'd heard before so I sat down on the floor to listen with him. His eyes were closed and he was singing along quietly with the recording. I closed my eyes too and laid back, my head facing the opposite way of his. I listened. I'll never forget that moment because I know in that moment that Sadaharu was there he was inside Takeshi and me. Sadaharu lead me to Takeshi and wanted me to see that he did not blame me and wanted me to move on and forgive myself. I cried a little and Takeshi, without even asking started the same song up again and I cried and cried because I felt for the first time, free of the guilt of being late to get Sadaharu. I felt forgiven and I could not have felt more relieved. Takeshi just held me and kept playing that song.

I learned the song on guitar and when I needed to remember Sadaharu and remember that I was forgiven and allowed to be happy. Takeshi always sang though mostly because I liked to hear his voice, clear as day as he sang out.

_"If I don't see you no more in this world,_

_Then I'll, I'll meet you in the next one_

_And don't be late_

_Don't be late..."_

**A/N:**

The song in Italics (which I do not own) is called "Voodoo Child" by Jimi Hendrix

Also if you're curious and could not tell the narrator is Kaidoh Karou.


End file.
